I am 28 and weigh over 60kgs. Which is also a number I never wanted to look at again. For as long as I can remember I have tried to lose weight and look thin. I have once actually been almost successful – having lost over 11 kgs in 6-7 months by walking every-day and not eating anything except vegetable, fish and curd. But I gained all that weight back and have been at this weight for over 6 years now.
I started taking my fitness seriously a few years ago. It started with morning walks, turned to small runs and then half marathons. Once or twice a month I would go for a swim. I danced regularly. And I enrolled myself at a gym. Treadmills + running + choreographies + laps . And yet, here I was: fat and still cursing my genes (also the habit of eating rice). Then, end of 2015 I joined CrossFit in Bangalore. I did it for 5 months. Mostly because I didn’t know anyone in the city and the box helped me get over a lot of that social awkwardness. Then I moved again, and landed in Delhi. I joined crossfit after a gap and it has been 4.5 months and I am feeling guilty again. But for a change it’s not about the food I ate or the plans I made for this weekend. It’s for missing a WOD.
For the first time in my life I don’t go home and curse myself for eating too much at lunch or for going out with friends and drinking a bit. Really, all these years and every single time I have eaten too much I have come back and wished I could say no to it and could throw away the food. But last week I realized that I don’t care anymore.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to be overweight. But now I have accepted that this is the body I have and the weight which I naturally have. And I am working out every-day to make myself fitter and stronger than ever before. Even if it is at that same weight. Instead, what I look at now is whether I can do one more rep of a push up, if I can move from the black band to no-band for a pull up, if I can increase my deadlift weight by 10 lbs, or if I can run just one more km.
I do not have a summer bod. But this is what I have. And I am working on myself and I am proud of it. Nothing makes me happy in the same way. And it is only because of CrossFit that this change has come. One more reason why I love and will always love CrossFit – because it is changing the definition of ideal female bodies.
Weighing scales lie. My confidence doesn’t.